Saturday, April 9, 2011

Infertility At It's Finest!

Well April is Infertility Awareness Month and it's quite ironic that three years ago on April 1st Derek and I decided we wanted to start our family... now it's 2011 and it's just the two of us. Our story is like most infertile couples. We fell in love and decided to wed on November 24th, 2006. We had big dreams for our life ahead... spend some honeymoon time with just the two of us, do some traveling, and then start a family. No where in our plan did infertility have a place. After a very long year of inconsistency we ventured to my OBGYN for some answers. We started a ton of tests until it was discovered that I suffered from PCOS a disorder that causes ovaries to not ovulate making it almost impossible to conceive. The one thing I feared most was happening to ME... INFERTILITY!! I cried... a lot. In public, in private it didn't matter. I was crushed and filled with anger, sadness, guilt, and hopelessness and many others. At that moment I had no idea what long road I had in front of me. The year to follow was the hardest of my life. We tried a few procedures on me and I started experimenting with many medications to see if any would help... but none did. We were going no where but deeper into medical debt. To make matters worse my insurance would not cover a thing.... not even my DR visits. Between the expenses and the painful procedures we decided to take a break. The great thing is that I married an amazing man who has not once blamed me, but I'm not gonna lie it kills me to think that because of me he may never be a father. Have we thought about adoption? YES! What about IFV? That too, but right now we are trying to find our path in life and see what option is best and how will we be able to afford it. I know God has a plan for us, but I'm having a hard time being patient... it is NOT one of my strengths. So far it's been a trying three years for us filled with heartache and despair and I know the road in front of us is not much better... I'm just glad I have my best friend to help me through the nights where all I want to do is cry. To all my friends/family members/and any other mothers I want you to know that I am happy for you and your baby even though I may not show it. It's difficult to express joy for others when you go through infertility, but I truly am happy for you and the miracle God has blessed you with. For now I'm an aunt and may always be, but I'm pretty lucky to have 5 nephews to help care for.