Saturday, April 9, 2011

Infertility At It's Finest!


Well April is Infertility Awareness Month and it's quite ironic that three years ago on April 1st Derek and I decided we wanted to start our family... now it's 2011 and it's just the two of us. Our story is like most infertile couples. We fell in love and decided to wed on November 24th, 2006. We had big dreams for our life ahead... spend some honeymoon time with just the two of us, do some traveling, and then start a family. No where in our plan did infertility have a place. After a very long year of inconsistency we ventured to my OBGYN for some answers. We started a ton of tests until it was discovered that I suffered from PCOS a disorder that causes ovaries to not ovulate making it almost impossible to conceive. The one thing I feared most was happening to ME... INFERTILITY!! I cried... a lot. In public, in private it didn't matter. I was crushed and filled with anger, sadness, guilt, and hopelessness and many others. At that moment I had no idea what long road I had in front of me. The year to follow was the hardest of my life. We tried a few procedures on me and I started experimenting with many medications to see if any would help... but none did. We were going no where but deeper into medical debt. To make matters worse my insurance would not cover a thing.... not even my DR visits. Between the expenses and the painful procedures we decided to take a break. The great thing is that I married an amazing man who has not once blamed me, but I'm not gonna lie it kills me to think that because of me he may never be a father. Have we thought about adoption? YES! What about IFV? That too, but right now we are trying to find our path in life and see what option is best and how will we be able to afford it. I know God has a plan for us, but I'm having a hard time being patient... it is NOT one of my strengths. So far it's been a trying three years for us filled with heartache and despair and I know the road in front of us is not much better... I'm just glad I have my best friend to help me through the nights where all I want to do is cry. To all my friends/family members/and any other mothers I want you to know that I am happy for you and your baby even though I may not show it. It's difficult to express joy for others when you go through infertility, but I truly am happy for you and the miracle God has blessed you with. For now I'm an aunt and may always be, but I'm pretty lucky to have 5 nephews to help care for.

6 comments:

Kacie said...

Oh Danica. You are the best and I personally have no idea what you are going through but had one of my best friends just go through that and adopt and it was so hard for her. I'm sorry that life has dealt that hand to you guys especially since you are such great people and would be amazing parents. Who knows what the Lord has planned for us? I guess he knows all and loves us and knows our pain and sorrow. We love you guys!

Ann said...

So often I get caught up/busy/overwhelmed, in my own life that the world and friends take a back seat to my thoughts. I am so sorry that you are going through this trial in your life, and I'm sorry for the inconsiderate and selfishness that has overcome me these past years. You are in my prayers and thoughts Danica. We sure do appreciate your friendship and love you guys.

Jamie said...

I'm so sorry that you guys are going through this. We know exactly what you guys are going through, and all the emotions that come with it. If you ever need to talk to anyone I hope you know you can talk to us. I know for me it helped to have someone who had gone through the same thing. I hope you know we are thinking of you and praying for you!

Anne said...

Oh Danica this made me sad. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. What a rough few years it sounds like. You two will be amazing parents some day however it happens. I love you!

Joleen said...

I love you and I am here for you. I know all those feelings and they just straight suck. I know its hard and you feel like other people just don't understand and they really don't unless they have felt those feelings themselves. I am not a patient person either and I know that is why God gave me this trial. And the more I hated it and when I would get mad at him then it seemed like he would just make it harder on me. You are in my prayers everyday and I know people tell you this all the time and your probably sick of it because I was but don't give up. Let me know if I can do anything or if you ever need to talk I'm here.

MicheleBryant said...

Danica, I was blog surfing and came across your latest post. You are such a strong woman with the ability to touch the lives of those around you. I've been impressed with you since you were a child, grew more impressed when you hosted the modesty fashion show, and couldn't be more excited about the beautiful young woman you've become. My prayers are with you as you endure this challenge.